who are you? gaia comes clean...

Welcome to another one of my blog posts. An honest, open-minded person who doesn't mind to blog and doesn't mind telling the truth. How it is. How she feels. What she's achieved within herself. How she now loves who she is. How she's driven. Talking about Mary, the wonderful Spirit Guide who talks with me every day. I don't hide behind anything and I live my truth. That's right, do you? Do you live how you really want to live? If not, why not? Do you feel trapped, unloved, unappreciated? Do you have friends that judge you, talk behind your back and seem unemotionless with you around? Don't you really feel like you deserve the best? The best that life has to offer? You're unique, you were born you. You shouldn't live in anybody else's footsteps because after a while (it could be a short time or a very long time), you'll land on rocky ground. Sure, you'll get through it (some people don't) but you'll wonder why, when the Universe was pushing for so long to live your truth and listen to your inner voice, your intuitiveness, you'll wonder why you ignored it and pushed it aside.

This is a special post because I am choosing to tell everyone on the planet just why I'm here, today, on this Full Moon night. I'm sure there will be people who laugh, or think it's ridiculous, there may be even people that judge. And you know what? I don't care at all, de-friend me on Facebook if you like! I'm living my truth. Whole heartedly. And I realised it TODAY, more than ever.

I was born Belinda Tant in May, 1978. I had much older siblings. Yes, I was a bit of a surprise to my parents. I grew up, got everything I wanted and some would say I was 'spoilt' - mainly because the other kids were all moving out and there was just ME, alone, with my parents living life the best way I knew how. I actually believed in fairies. I even thought I saw one, one night in my room as my tooth lay on the bottom of that glass of water. I saw her fly in and fly out.

My Mum was passive. She was sweet. She did everything my Dad wanted. She had no opinion. Ever. If she did, he'd argue with her. My earliest memory is running to her, asking her what happens to us when we die. I can't even remember her response. But I felt the fear within my own soul, of knowing that if it all ended right then and there, I'd never be with my Mum anymore, where would I go? What would I do? Scary thought to a little girl. And I've only just learnt...that my Mum knew I was psychic, all throughout my childhood but never shared that with me, she'd even tell her friends that I had a gift of a knowing about others and situations around me.

They used to visit me at night. They'd come into my bedroom and sit on my bed until I fell asleep. Sometimes the room would be full. Maybe they were my Guides looking back, some people have a couple, some have many and they can change, new ones come on board and some can come to fulfil their purpose to you and leave. So whoever they were, they made me feel good. And welcome in this world. They knew I needed it. After all, my Father was a critical, negative man who disliked a lot of things and a lot of people. He was racist. He was competitive. Hell, I even remember when he bought a brand new fancy car, how we'd all be admiring it in the street (the other siblings had come home some weekends), just to make the neighbours jealous and realise what lovely things we had. I was a kid, maybe 6 or 7 years old.

Then there was a fight, between my oldest brother and father one evening. There was blood, everywhere, I was 6 or 7 years old, a blood stained towel, the pulling of a knife, a lot of anger raging in both their bodies (they never got on). Dad had been punched in the nose. I was screaming, from one end of the house to another, in complete fear.

After my Mum had decided enough was enough and never speaking up throughout my childhood, she decided to ask for a separation when I was 13 years old. Dad flew off the handle and kept smoking his 60 cigarettes per day. He moved out for a month and then Mum asked him back. But they lived in separate rooms and had separate fridges/microwaves/televisions, you name it, it was separate. Mum decided to care for my ill father. He was diagnosed with emphysema when I was a teenager and got sicker and sicker, year after year. Mum was finally his carer. But he was still angry. And hated the world. And had favourites. And criticized Mum to me. And she would talk to me as I was the only one living at home about how depressed it made her. He would judge everything I did well into my twenties. I did love my Father. He had a big heart. But he had this issue with worrying about everything and everyone and thinking things in his head that just weren't there. I too grew up thinking that sort of behaviour was normal. And, looking back now, I guess I was the glue, trying to hold their relationship together. I would even tape record their arguments. I'd sit in my room, against my door and have the tape recorder out the door in the dark hallway. I'd play it back, over and over and over. I can't really understand why I did that.

My twenties were less than ordinary. I drank heaps, had boyfriend after boyfriend and sometimes, three on the go at once. I just looked for love, in all of the wrong places. I did have a couple of good relationships in there. However, I was too deranged and unhealthy for them to ever work out. And so we amicably parted. I knew I had issues. But I wasn't willing to get help for them. I was psychic, all throughout my teen years and into my twenties. But the alcohol and issues I faced each day were so full on, I blocked a lot of things out. I turned to drugs, smoking pot daily. Hell, I even grew it with an ex boyfriend, thinking it was a good way to bring in money. Goodness knows how many lives I affected with that.

I moved to Brisbane from the Sunshine Coast and decided enough was enough. I got a great job in the city and made new friends. I lived by myself. It was great. But then, I started spiralling again, drinking, going out, looking for love in all of the wrong places again, being completely and utterly drawn to men with issues. Because I had issues. It all seemed normal to be with someone with some issues, isn't that the right thing to do?

After collapsing in the shower one night, having drunk a whole bottle of red to myself, I laid there, water pissing on me, crying my eyes out. I felt empty, this was it, I'd had enough. I couldn't find love. I couldn't do anything but go to work each day and be somebody's Personal Assistant. I lost it and went and got a knife out of the kitchen drawer. As I sat there in the kitchen, naked and about to perform an unthinkable act, slitting my wrists or perhaps driving that knife deep into my aching heart, someone spoke to me.

They told me not to do this. "But I have to!!" I screamed. "I have no choice, I'm financially fucked, I have nothing, nobody, a shit family, I'm doomed". Then I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. "It's okay Belinda, you have too much to do here on Earth, you are a healer, you will go on to do great things for others, you have too much to do here". I felt at ease. I felt loved. I can't describe the love I felt for that entity sitting with me in all of my rawness. I got up. I got dressed.

The next week, I met my Partner that I am with now. It was hard at first, he had no issues and was a very level headed person. He almost left me, many times, it was hard to hold onto him. I even threatened to kill myself if he left because I knew I needed him to fulfil my purpose on Earth. How stupid that was to do that to another human being to 'keep them' - now I look back, I am disgusted with that statement. But he stayed and booked me in to a psychologist.

Well, I turned up at Dr Angel's office, I thought my psychologist's name was humorous! She ended up diagnosing me with GAD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Basically, I had abandonment issues from a child. And I lived in fear, of everything, because of my children. The mental abuse as a child as well as my parent's separation had caused this anxiety to build up in my system. I didn't realise how common GAD really was and how it can be treated easily with cognitive behavioural therapy. I remember she told me I breathed about 55 breaths a minute and that was my normal rate! No wonder when I was anxious, I'd physically vomit!! So we slowed that down to under 20 in a few sessions and all was well.

After a few months of the therapy, I was happier and finally forgave my father. Then I got pregnant. And my father passed away when I was 5 months pregnant. It was sad. I loved him, so much, I do remember the good times. As he laid there in the hospital, having not responded for 24 hours, I finally arrived from Brisbane and sat by his side. He was on breathing gear and had tubes, coming out everywhere from him. Basically, his organs were all shutting down. Then I whispered in his ear "Hi Daddy, it's Bindy, guess what? I forgive you...and guess what else? We're having a girl and we're naming her Madeleine". He squeezed my hand. He opened his eyes (they were not focused), looked up at the ceiling and nodded his head. Then he slipped away later that evening.

I knew that I shouldn't have left the hospital that night. I should have stayed with him whilst he passed away. Something told me to stay but I chose to ignore that intuition, one more time.

After our two children and no more anxiety, last year, in 2010 I lived my life like any mother would live it, I got up, looked after two children and paid a mortgage and bought the things we needed. Each day was the same. I wondered what I would be doing with my life. Then...I decided to meditate. Just like that. I had someone trying to give me a message for months, we were unhappy in our home at the time and dreamed of breaking free. It was a frustrating time. There was SOMETHING there but I didn't know what! So, I decided to ask a Spirit Guide to come forward. And voila, she did, her name was MARY. After many weeks of speaking with her, I went to a well known clairvoyant and she confirmed to me that Mary was with me (I didn't tell her Mary's name of course).

That was mid 2010. We moved this year. And everything changed. I began to hear more Guides and Mary was starting to give me messages about people, people I knew, people in the street, it was amazing. I was drawn to go and buy some crystals. So I did. I felt their energies and it led to more buying of them. I then decided to set up a spiritual room. But it just wasn't working, it didn't feel right. I moved it downstairs. It still didn't feel right. I was frustrated and Mary was saying nothing. Then, one day, I stumbled across something witchy. I read about it. I read about the elements. I then decided to set up an altar and worship a Goddess! So ISIS was it. I was drawn to Egypt, I had always been and had been told years before that I was in fact from Egypt in a previous life. No wonder the spiritual room wasn't working, it was meant to have an altar in it. I attended the MBS Festival where I was drawn Nefertiti, as my Guide. I sat there, crying, I knew that was correct, I felt incredible release, nothing I've ever felt before, the artist/clairvoyant said "oh you remember me" - I was indeed one of Queen Nefertiti's daughters in a past life. I always knew I was from Egypt. It was grounding and wondrous and I walked out of that place knowing my purpose. And more recently, Mary told me I was in fact Meketaten...yes, I looked her up and felt that touch on my shoulder again to confirm it.

I am here to heal. To heal others. To do readings. This is my life purpose. But it's bigger than that as well. I feel I'm bigger. I am here to HEAL THE WORLD. I am here to MAKE A DIFFERENCE. There is something bigger pulling me in BIGGER PLACES. It's a strong energy. And it is coming together now, even though I am unable to disclose it.

Right now, I read for people. I sit there, in my spiritual room and call on Mary and my other Guides. They are amazing and give me such beautiful information. I love to read for others. I love to heal them. I love to show people they're more than going to work each day.

There's much change happening in this world. This year is a big year of transition. Next year will be HUGE people, HUGE. You wait and see.

So, do you feel PULLED to something? Are you feeling like there is more to you? Just like Gaia, Mother Earth is shaking off things she no longer needs and the world is having disaster after disaster, you too are changing. Can you feel it?

I want to read for you, let Mary tell you what she can uncover in your life for the future and what may be blocking you!

I'm utter proof that you can change your life around. No matter your upbringing, your woes, your stresses, your sadness. Everyone has a purpose in this life. Everyone. And everyone is directly connected with the Divine. We just really need to let go of all the 'things' in our lives and reconnect to our purpose. Reconnect to who we really are and what we really want to do.

That's my story and I'm currently writing my book....

Love to you all, Belinda xxx