my chooken

Firstly, this post is about me, my daughter and our family. In no way does it reflect anybody else's situation as all children are different, all families are different and all situations are definitely different. What works for some, doesn't work for others. That is just how life is. We're all different and we all do the best we can do at the time. And this post is very important to me as a few friends and family who know me more personally know that something hasn't been feeling too right for a while now so I choose to write about it all now.

My daughter, Miss M is a beautiful little girl. She's very intuitive. She feels Mary and I know that she absorbs so many energies around her. She's very sensitive and quite shy of others until she gets to know people. I wouldn't call her open to new people, I'd call her guarded. But that's just what I pick up on. I'm sure she'll tell me who she is in the future, maybe 20 years from now but all I can do now is be the best Mum I can be, use my own intuition to raise her the best I can and do what feels right in my heart.

She first attended day care in February. This was something I really wanted to do for her as I really believed she needed interaction with other children. She settled in so well and seemed to enjoy it. Then after a month or so, she started to cry when I left her. Which is normal I know, they all do it, well, most of them. I trusted her teachers so I was cool with it as I knew as soon as I got in the car, she'd probably be playing happily in no time.

She then started to get better again and enjoyed going. I didn't mind taking her, she liked to see one of her teachers in particular and she had attached herself to one little boy there, Mr J. Miss M would come home absolutely exhausted. I'd never seen her so tired, she'd picked up some horrid habits (as they do) and particularly, started to be a little nasty to our dear Mr E. I believe she was just grumpy, tired and overwhelmed with her day. She's also been very sick since February. And so has Mr E. I think I've spent about $1000 at the chemist in 4 months. We're always sick too. Vomiting bugs and colds, you name it. It's pretty draining on us all. And if another person says to me "they're supposed to get sick all of the time", I'm going to scream, that doesn't make it right, does it? And why do others seem to think you're not giving your child the best when they don't socialise all of the time with other kids? Don't they build relationships with a range of people, different races, grandparents, even the lady at the corner store (or in our case, Flannerys?), don't they build relationships with other kids they suddenly meet at a play centre and from all different age groups? I'm sorry but I just went to preschool at age 5 for a couple of days a week and then off to Year 1 and all of my friends did too and we're all ok, why do I get the third degree when she's 3 years old?

Now I will say and I totally mean this, I don't need a break from my children. I just don't feel that way at all. Sure, some days are shit. But I just tune in to their tiredness, their hunger, they're moods and just the way they're generally feeling and I seem to just go with it. As adults, we too have bad days. Kids are allowed to also. If the house ends up a shambles, so be it. Playing with them on a day where they both are grumpy and no dinner gets cooked that night for us just gets preference.

You would have read my previous blog about how much of a shit week I had last week. Yep, it was pretty horrid. So I made the decision this week to keep Miss M home with me. And she was more than accommodating. In fact, she said she wanted to be at home with me and not go to day care (which is unusual because it is normally the other way around).

This week has been the most absolutely mind blowing, astonishing, awesome, magnificent week I have had with my daughter. It's like our relationship has been renewed. I can't quite explain it. We walked into a nursery the other day to buy some basil to plant in a pot and there stood a beautiful statue staring right at us, I looked at her, she smiled and said "you and me" so I bought it. I am getting hugs, kisses and she's finally playing with Mr E and sharing her toys. She's hugging him, saying "Mummy, he's my brother" and requesting her pancakes each morning, in which I happily oblige. She's loving watering the flowers and herbs outside with me and rolling around the floor getting tickled. Actually, we're all happy. She'd go to care and the next two days would be a total shit. Horrid in fact. Then she'd come good and then it would be time to go again. It was a bit of a horrible cycle that wasn't only affecting her but our whole family.


I am just so in love with her. Mary told me last week "you know what to do" and I had kept pulling out my "children" angel card, constantly. Then Miss M told me "I'm sad when you leave me Mummy, really sad". Not only were the archangels giving me messages to keep her home, Mary was smiling at me about it, all of the time. I just feel like I've made the right decision. I'm sure the centre thinks I'm psycho. I've put her in two days, then three days, back to two, down to one and back to two. I've kept her home when she wants to be home, I've even pulled her out of a class with a little boy who kept pushing her.

This isn't about her and day care. This is about the teachers too, of course they can't watch 16 kids all of the time. There's a few issues actually and I won't list them here. Let's just say I'm not really happy with the centre at the end of the day. It's not school of course, it's a centre and the teachers lack of enthusiasm and dropping Miss M off to hungover looking teachers just annoys me.

So, we're starting PlayGroup next week, I'll take them both, we'll do shopping trips together when Daddy is home and I might even enrol her in dancing and when the weather warms up, swimming. The library sounds good too. We'll do lots of trips, all together. I just really feel that I need to be with her now.

I have definitely made the right decision. And talking to Miss M today in the garden, stroking her hair and asking, "do you want to go to day care and play tomorrow, it will be fun" and her responding "no Mummy, I want to be with you, stay home with you now" has made up my mind. There's always next year pre-prep when she's 4. But right now, she's staying put with me. And this morning, was pancakes again!

Thanks Mary again for your support and guidance and thanks to all of my friends and family that I've been emailing and talking with on this subject!